Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
