But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think your dad took our porno
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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