Soap is not a condiment
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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