It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
