Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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