it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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