my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
