Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
