Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
