Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
