today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
