Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
