i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
