I am puke
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
