if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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