Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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