So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
