and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
