do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
