I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
