I think I died a long time ago.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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