Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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