Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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