what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
