I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
