I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
