dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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