Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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