Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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