Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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