if you like me you must not know who I am
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
