my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
