you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
