I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
