you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
