Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Randomize