the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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