You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't deserve a penis
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
