I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
