Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
