so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
