If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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