I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
