Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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