Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
