I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
youre lurking in front of me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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