You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
