My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize