just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
