I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
