Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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