Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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