whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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