He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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