There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
