I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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