Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
