So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
