It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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