it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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