Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
