don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
