Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
