he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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