Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
