it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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