So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
