I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
