Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize