I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
