I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize