I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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