this beer tastes like vomit already
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
