oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize