i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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