im having a threesome with these popsicles
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
