I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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