I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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