An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
