Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
