Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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