She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
