I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
its liver damage thursday
Randomize