I wish you could order shots online.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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