I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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