He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also, beer. Big fan.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
