I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
