the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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