im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
