R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
