Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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