From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
