We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
