Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
