Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize