I heard we made out
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
