i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
