Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
