You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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