Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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