went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
