allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
