the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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