im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
