I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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