Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
