Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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