So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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