Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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