that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
