so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
