Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
