Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
