Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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