OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
